As some of you may (or may not) have noticed, I've been slacking majorly in the way of social media and blogging in the last few weeks.  Here's a bit of an explanation, in the form of a goodbye.  There's so many thoughts and memories going through my mind that I feel that I need to express them the best way I know how: to write about them.

Don, Lucas, Me, and Ben.  Image by In His Image Photography

Lucas and I were married in September 2006.  I had met his Dad on several occasions, but mostly we just drove out to his house in the middle of nowhere on occasion so Lucas and he could piddle with cars for hours on end.  I do remember talking about his diabetes, his failing eye sight, and other health problems on several occasions, but I didn't really know what was going on.  One memory in particular stands out to me though.  We were out there and Don needed some groceries.  I volunteered to go with him to Walmart, about 20 min away.  He drove us off the mountain in his old truck, we got our groceries, and went to check out.  When he went to sign the credit card slip, he couldn't even see where he was supposed to sign.  I took his hand and put the pen on the line for him.  Needless to say...I've never prayed as hard as I did on the ride back home.  If he couldn't see to sign a paper, how was he driving?! 

Don and Lucas. Image by In His Image Photography.

Don and I. Image by In His Image Photography.

Lucas was in the Army, so we moved to upstate New York for a year before he was deployed again.  I came back home to Tennessee.  About 4 months into his deployment, Don's health had gotten so bad that he had to retire from Mueller after being an iron worker for 20+ years.  Keep in mind, at this point, Don was only about 47.  His eye sight had majorly deteriorated from his diabetes and he needed someone to live with him because he couldn't do everything on his own.  A month later, the Army discharged Lucas so that he could come home and take care of his Dad.  We packed all our things and moved to the middle of nowhere in Bledsoe Co, TN.  That was 4 years ago.

Since that time, through good times and bad, Don became part of my family. We lived in a tiny little trailer until Lucas and I could finish building the big, beautiful house Don started 15 years ago.  We moved in it about a year later.  I like to think we helped him finish a dream that he'd had for years.  Now this house is our dream, too.  Don didn't let his lack of sight slow him down all the way. He still rode his four wheeler up our little road to his parents house and his brother's house.  He still went out with them to the hay fields and to tend to the cows.  Those were some of his favorite things to do.  I tried my hardest to make him keep to that diabetic diet.  Then, two years later after a 2 month stint in the hospital because his kidneys started failing, I tried my hardest to make him keep to the renal diabetic diet: which basically means you can't eat a full meal without including SOMETHING that you aren't supposed to have.  After much debate, he made me realize that living that strictly wasn't living at all for him.  Although it wasn't easy for me, I backed off. 

Dorothy (his sister-in-law who graciously took him to all his doctors appointments) told me they used to stop at Hardees after every appointment and get him "the usual."  This consisted of at least one sausage egg and cheese biscuit, a couple cinnamon raison biscuits, and hash browns. Not exactly the best for ANYONE's diet, much less his.  He would eat it all in the car on their way home, then leave the trash for Dorothy to throw away because if I found it in the trash at our house, I'd fuss at him:) 

Every Halloween, we would buy a big bowl full of candy for him to pass out.  Lucas and I would usually be off doing something with friends.  We normally had a grand total of between 3-6 trick-or-treaters.  I did mention we live in the middle of nowhere, right??  Well, every year we'd come home and that bowl would be completely empty.  Sometimes there would be one or two candies left just to fool us I guess.  I'd ask him, "Don, did we have a lot of trick-or-treaters this year?" He'd say "Nope, I just told them to take as much as they wanted."  We always had our doubts about this.  Last year, a few days after Halloween, I knocked on his door and cracked it open like I usually do every night to tell him it was time for dinner.  As soon as I cracked open that door, he froze wide-eyed and with his hand in a Walmart back at his side FULL of Halloween candy.  I didn't say anything to him about the candy, but I did choke down a laugh as quick as I could.  He didn't move a muscle, he just said he'd be there in a minute for dinner. I'm not sure what he was thinking, but I'M not the one who is blind around here!! Haha, we're worse than a parent and a little kid.

We settled into a rhythm with our lives. I'd buy him the cheapo white bread that was bad for him because he didn't like the homemade bread I made for him that followed his diet (as close as possible). I'd buy those darn microwave meals he always wanted to eat for lunch.  We'd eat together every night, even when Lucas wasn't home because he works third shift.  We'd chat about life, about the farm, about our dogs.  Yeti is a Siberian Husky. Rizzo is a little Brussels Griffon.  Since we were gone all day at work, Don would take care of them. Invariably,  if you came to our house at any point, Don would be napping on his recliner with Yeti curled up on his feet and Rizzo would be curled up on his lap.  He had so much fun playing with them.  In those years that we lived together, that stubborn man and I became close.  I'd say we're a lot alike with that stubborn thing:)

The Lewis Family Farm

This was one of the first images I ever had printed on a large canvas.  As soon as it came in the mail, of course I had to rip it open and show it off.  Don's eyes lit up really big as he looked at it, because it was actually big enough that he could see it and make out the detail.  Those were his cows.  He could tell me exactly which ones they were and a little about each of them.  This had to be one of the very few pictures of mine he could ever actually see.  He would get excited with me every time a large print of it was sold at a festival.  Just the thought that other people loved his cows so much that they had a picture of them hanging in their house made him grin from ear to ear.

The last few months, Don was happier than I have ever seen him.  He'd come out of his room more, socialize more when we had company, laugh more.  He told us on several occasions how much he appreciated how much we had done for him.  One evening, when Lucas was at work, he asked me for a hug.  I'm pretty sure that was a first.  I gave him a big hug, and he said in that country accent, "Well, Teeney, I want you to know you're like the daughter I never had."

For his birthday a couple months ago, we had a small party for him.  We were able to bring Elizabeth, his granddaughter, up to the house to be there for it.  There are very, very few things in life that can make his eyes light up like she can.  After a weekend of hanging out and watching cartoons together, she gave him a big hug and she had to go home.  That night, he came out of his room as we were about to go to bed and said, "Can I ask you for something?" When we said yes, all he wanted was hugs from both of us.  He said he had gotten hugs from all of his favorite people this weekend (Elizabeth, Ben (his other son), Lucas and I) so his perfect birthday weekend was complete.

Only 2 weeks later, while Lucas and I were away for the weekend, Don's blood sugar bottomed out.  He does this on occasion, and we're always able to get some sugar into him and he'll wake right back up as his blood sugar comes back up.  This time was different.  Lucas called Sunday morning, and he wouldn't answer the phone so he called his grandfather to go check on him.  Pa found him passed out on the floor and Ben showed up right behind him.  The first responders came and his blood sugar was just fine, but he didn't wake up.  Life Force flew him to the emergency room, where he was when Lucas and I arrived.  After 6 long weeks of medical tests and prayers, Don still gave us very minimal response.  He remained in a coma.  When there were no more tests to run, we decided to take him home.  After only 4 days of being back at his home, on his farm, on the mountain he loved so much, he stopped breathing.  Yesterday we held his funeral service.

Even as I sit in this big house and write these memories of him, it feels so quiet and hollow.  His TV isn't running. I don't hear him banging around in his room.  I can't yell down to him and ask him to catch the phone...since it's always Ma checking on him anyway.  While those 6 weeks felt like forever at the time, now it feels like only yesterday we were making sure he had everything he needed to take care of the puppies while we were gone for the weekend.  Only yesterday he was wishing us goodbye and telling us to be safe.  He'd always tell me to be safe. Every time I left the house. 

I had never seen pictures from his childhood, but we compiled some of these for a slideshow at his funeral.  Here are just a few of my favorites from Don's life.

 Don, it's just not the same here without you.  I love you and miss you.  See you again someday.